Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Of Scabs and Scars

So, of late, I have been contemplating my elbow.

...

(Don't worry, it gets better.) Short version, I ran into a mailbox about a week ago. Scraped up my left elbow pretty badly. It's now scabbed over and starting to peel off. And 's got me thinking...

In life, we get hurt. Sometimes we just get road rash. But sometimes we get wounded very deeply. And God, in His grace, sometimes lets those wounds scab over... protective mechanisms, if you will. This can look like burying memories, hiding feelings, escapism, false fronts, slapping a smile on it, deep distrust of others, keeping others at a distance (in a variety of ways)... and all that other good stuff. Now, I'm not encouraging that behavior. But sometimes it's a protective covering--a scab--over a wound that we just aren't equipped to deal with yet, or a wound that will take a lot of time and a lot of elements to heal. So I believe "scabs" can be used by Him as a vehicle of grace.

But I also am finding that there comes a time where the scab must come off, or it starts killing you in and of itself. It starts making the wound worse. Sometimes that scab must come off gently, being brushed off a piece at a time; but scabs were never meant to be our protection forever. If we open ourselves to the healing process--which can hurt in and of itself--new skin will grow. The scars are meant to fall off. This is really scary, though--the new skin beneath is incredibly sensitive and vulnerable, and oftentimes the scab comes off before the wound beneath is fully healed. We have to let the open, dangerous air touch us where we're weak. But I'm wondering... if we try to hold onto that protective scab forever, what will happen? Will the wound ever heal? Will we find ourselves with some kind of gangrene problem?

There's a natural process to wounds; emotional and physical, I'm finding. And I can only have faith that there is a higher Physician who guides both. He allows the scabs, and then there comes the day when He says "it's time for that to come off. Will you let Me help you through this?" ... and will we?

And then, it's true, there are scars. There are traces left from some wounds that will never heal--memories that will remain, fears that will have to be dealt with every day, battles that will have to be fought and faced until we die. That's okay; that's how it works with some wounds. And sometimes there are scars that last for years, but eventually fade. Sometimes they last forever.

But I find hope in the fact that scars are not scabs. Scabs hurt when you poke them. Heaven help the unlucky soul who tries to touch it before its ready (I know I've wanted to reactively punch one or two people who've bumped my elbow this week). Scabs bleed when you try too hard to get beneath them. Scabs mean the healing process has begun, but isn't complete, and may not be for some time. Scars are a medal of honor. A reminder, yes, and sometimes we want anything but a reminder. But a scar is a reminder of healing just as much as it is of wounding. Scars say "this is what happened to me, yes, but this is how I lived through it, this is what God did, this is how I came out stronger on the other end, this is how I'm still relying on Grace every day."

Both, I'm beginning to see, are a part of the healing process. But if you're in my boat, take hope, even as I'm trying to take it-- a scab doesn't mean we're as healed as we're going to get, and a scar doesn't mean we're damaged goods.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Opposites

Been pondering some opposites lately... and we're not talking "stop" and "go" opposites here. Profound opposites. Because sometimes we find ourselves in a position where we greatly need an opposite--because an opposite is an antidote. But sometimes I think we don't think quite hard enough about opposites, and as such miss some interesting truths.

For example... fear. What is the opposite of fear? Courage? Bravery? How? Courage is merely acting in spite of fear. No, when you think about it, the opposite of fear must be love. (And, as such, the opposite of love is fear.) "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love." (1 John 4:18) So love is the antidote of fear. (Which kinda sucks for some of us, because love can seem very scary... yet it's the antidote to fear... but if you struggle with fear then... yeah. =____= But I digress.)

But what about others? Like... despair? Pain? I find those trickier in my ponderings.

Despair, hope. Kinda seems like a no-brainer, right? But I wonder... is the opposite of despair really hope? I could be wrong, but I don't think it is. Because the worst despair normally comes about when there's just the littlest bit of hope still left. Complete hopelessness is resignation. But "hope deferred makes the heart sick" and all that. I'm still very much chewing on this one, but could it be that the opposite of despair is faith? ("Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Hebrews 11:2 )

Pain. This is an interesting one, and one that's been on my mind a lot. But I submit this to you: the fundamental opposite of (emotional) pain is beauty. It's a difficult one for me to find words to explain. Pain is a product of suffering, disquiet of the soul, brokenness, damage. Beauty in its profoundest sense is the product of peace, quiet, wholeness, and an unearthly sense of perfection. If we stop and listen to it, pure beauty--in any form--tells us "all will be well." Could be the beauty in a day with perfect weather, the beauty in a piece of art, the beauty in a moving piece of music, the beauty of poetry and words, the beauty in a person, the beauty of being in love, the beauty of God's Word... but beauty in and of itself seems to provide a sense of wholeness, of peace, even when peace doesn't make any sense. Ponder that one long enough and I think you'll come to agree with me. Fascinating stuff, to me at least.

Anyways. Just the wanderings of my mind of late. Fear... despair... pain... love... faith... beauty...Yup. All that good stuff.