Of Scabs and Scars

So, of late, I have been contemplating my elbow.

...

(Don't worry, it gets better.) Short version, I ran into a mailbox about a week ago. Scraped up my left elbow pretty badly. It's now scabbed over and starting to peel off. And 's got me thinking...

In life, we get hurt. Sometimes we just get road rash. But sometimes we get wounded very deeply. And God, in His grace, sometimes lets those wounds scab over... protective mechanisms, if you will. This can look like burying memories, hiding feelings, escapism, false fronts, slapping a smile on it, deep distrust of others, keeping others at a distance (in a variety of ways)... and all that other good stuff. Now, I'm not encouraging that behavior. But sometimes it's a protective covering--a scab--over a wound that we just aren't equipped to deal with yet, or a wound that will take a lot of time and a lot of elements to heal. So I believe "scabs" can be used by Him as a vehicle of grace.

But I also am finding that there comes a time where the scab must come off, or it starts killing you in and of itself. It starts making the wound worse. Sometimes that scab must come off gently, being brushed off a piece at a time; but scabs were never meant to be our protection forever. If we open ourselves to the healing process--which can hurt in and of itself--new skin will grow. The scars are meant to fall off. This is really scary, though--the new skin beneath is incredibly sensitive and vulnerable, and oftentimes the scab comes off before the wound beneath is fully healed. We have to let the open, dangerous air touch us where we're weak. But I'm wondering... if we try to hold onto that protective scab forever, what will happen? Will the wound ever heal? Will we find ourselves with some kind of gangrene problem?

There's a natural process to wounds; emotional and physical, I'm finding. And I can only have faith that there is a higher Physician who guides both. He allows the scabs, and then there comes the day when He says "it's time for that to come off. Will you let Me help you through this?" ... and will we?

And then, it's true, there are scars. There are traces left from some wounds that will never heal--memories that will remain, fears that will have to be dealt with every day, battles that will have to be fought and faced until we die. That's okay; that's how it works with some wounds. And sometimes there are scars that last for years, but eventually fade. Sometimes they last forever.

But I find hope in the fact that scars are not scabs. Scabs hurt when you poke them. Heaven help the unlucky soul who tries to touch it before its ready (I know I've wanted to reactively punch one or two people who've bumped my elbow this week). Scabs bleed when you try too hard to get beneath them. Scabs mean the healing process has begun, but isn't complete, and may not be for some time. Scars are a medal of honor. A reminder, yes, and sometimes we want anything but a reminder. But a scar is a reminder of healing just as much as it is of wounding. Scars say "this is what happened to me, yes, but this is how I lived through it, this is what God did, this is how I came out stronger on the other end, this is how I'm still relying on Grace every day."

Both, I'm beginning to see, are a part of the healing process. But if you're in my boat, take hope, even as I'm trying to take it-- a scab doesn't mean we're as healed as we're going to get, and a scar doesn't mean we're damaged goods.

Opposites

Been pondering some opposites lately... and we're not talking "stop" and "go" opposites here. Profound opposites. Because sometimes we find ourselves in a position where we greatly need an opposite--because an opposite is an antidote. But sometimes I think we don't think quite hard enough about opposites, and as such miss some interesting truths.

For example... fear. What is the opposite of fear? Courage? Bravery? How? Courage is merely acting in spite of fear. No, when you think about it, the opposite of fear must be love. (And, as such, the opposite of love is fear.) "There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love." (1 John 4:18) So love is the antidote of fear. (Which kinda sucks for some of us, because love can seem very scary... yet it's the antidote to fear... but if you struggle with fear then... yeah. =____= But I digress.)

But what about others? Like... despair? Pain? I find those trickier in my ponderings.

Despair, hope. Kinda seems like a no-brainer, right? But I wonder... is the opposite of despair really hope? I could be wrong, but I don't think it is. Because the worst despair normally comes about when there's just the littlest bit of hope still left. Complete hopelessness is resignation. But "hope deferred makes the heart sick" and all that. I'm still very much chewing on this one, but could it be that the opposite of despair is faith? ("Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Hebrews 11:2 )

Pain. This is an interesting one, and one that's been on my mind a lot. But I submit this to you: the fundamental opposite of (emotional) pain is beauty. It's a difficult one for me to find words to explain. Pain is a product of suffering, disquiet of the soul, brokenness, damage. Beauty in its profoundest sense is the product of peace, quiet, wholeness, and an unearthly sense of perfection. If we stop and listen to it, pure beauty--in any form--tells us "all will be well." Could be the beauty in a day with perfect weather, the beauty in a piece of art, the beauty in a moving piece of music, the beauty of poetry and words, the beauty in a person, the beauty of being in love, the beauty of God's Word... but beauty in and of itself seems to provide a sense of wholeness, of peace, even when peace doesn't make any sense. Ponder that one long enough and I think you'll come to agree with me. Fascinating stuff, to me at least.

Anyways. Just the wanderings of my mind of late. Fear... despair... pain... love... faith... beauty...Yup. All that good stuff.

Meet Me?

Lord, I can't take just one more valley
And I can't take just one more blow
If I'm not broken here already
Then, Father God, I just don't know

Oh I don't think that I can go on
This heavy heart is on the ground
And if I can't find peace already
Can what I'm looking for be found?

So if You hear me,
Please won't You meet me?
Come and make me whole again
'Cause I can't find You
I'm dead without You
Come and give me life again

And I wonder as I wander
If I can find my way back Home
'Cause it's not You that I've been seeking
I've tried to make it on my own

I don't deserve Your second chances
And I could never earn Your love
But, Father God, if You will have me
I know Your grace will be enough

Lord, if You hear me
Please won't You meet me?
Come and make me whole again
'Cause I can't find You
I'm dead without You
Come and give me life again

Oh oh oh
Come and give me life again
Oh oh oh
Come and give me life again

His Passion... Our Passion?

Watched the movie The Passion of the Christ tonight… man. Go watch if it you haven't. And if you have, watch it again. It's a great reminder. Yeah, it's gruesome but it always gets me crying because to me it's such a stark, strong picture of His love. A love so incredible it is willing to take all kinds of pain… for me. And for you.

When I watch the scourging scene in The Passion… and see that precious blood flying everywhere… and remember that that blood was shed for me, but also for you, and for the couple next door, and the homeless stranger, and the druggie up the road, and the raving atheist at the local college, and that jerk we all know, and the gal with a dozen piercings, and that guy who lives on Pennsylvania Ave, and the dictator thousands and thousands of miles away… it makes me think. 

It makes me think… how can I belittle or mock the people of whom Christ thought so highly? How can I say someone's not as worthy as someone else because maybe they're not as smart, or maybe they're not as knowledgeable or maybe they've got some struggle most people don't have? How can I ignore or be mean to them? How can I shun any of them? How can I NOT treat every human with graciousness, love and respect, regardless of how they treat me or how different they might be?

Guys--our Savior's blood was spilled for these people. They're the reason He died! If we don't strive to treat others with kindness and love the way He treated them, we're not only not obeying Him, we are in essence spitting on His sacrifice! Yeah, love is tough. Yeah, some of us aren't "good" at being loving or kind. Yeah, some of us have been hurt deeply and would like nothing more than to run away from this world (guilty!). None of us want to die to ourselves for the sake of someone else. But if any of those excuses change the fact that we're spitting on Christ's sacrifice when we don't love… I'd like to know. X)

My favorite part about the way The Passion portrays Jesus is His eyes when he looks at the ones who are betraying Him, mocking Him, beating Him, killing Him. His eyes are piercing with Truth… but they are also so gentle, so overwhelming with their love and compassion. If we are His children and He is in us… why doesn't the world see that in our eyes? We can preach to thousands of people, we can start great ministries, we can use so many gifts, we can have every theological problem solved, we can raise huge godly families… but if we have not Christ's love for others… we are only a resounding gong, a clanging symbol, we are nothing, we gain nothing.

We love because He first loved us (1 John 4:19). Christ's love compels us (2 Corinthians 5:14). I think we need to all be on our knees, begging Him to teach us His love… begging Him to help us understand the depths of His love for us. Because it is out of a deep understanding of that love that we will go forward in victory and make a difference in this dying, broken world. Truth is powerful, yes, but without a very real, very strong, very active, very visible love… it won't have the power to change the world. But the true, incredible love of Christ can.

So, do we love Him enough to take that love to the world He died for?

---
How can I speak of Your love?
How can I sing of its measure?
And how could I ever express
The depths of the joy that have filled me?

How can I ever repay?
And how could I ever be worthy?
What can I offer You, Lord?
Who gave Your all for me?

I wanna love like You love
Give like You gave
You held nothing back
Even for those who would slay You
I wanna love like You love
Forgive as You forgave
I nailed You to the Cross
And still You never stopped wooing me
Lord, I wanna love

How can I speak of Your grace?
How can I sing of its wonders?
Whatever did You see in me
To make You call me "friend"?

And how can I call You my Lord
Then turn on the ones You have ransomed?
Lord, empty this sinful heart
And fill it with Your love

I wanna love like You love
Befriend as You befriend
You chose lowly sinners
When You could have had any king
I wanna love like You love
See like You see
I was wasted by sin
Yet You saw the beauty You'd placed within
Lord, I wanna love

How can I speak of this joy?
How can I sing of this freedom?
I, once in bondage to sin
Now soar on the wings of Your mercy

And how can I think of myself
When You came and made Yourself nothing
Lord, take me--my every breath
From this moment on I'm dead to myself

I wanna love like You love
Serve like You served
You stooped to my feet
Though You are the King of Glory
I wanna love like You love
Die like You died
You gave everything
For a world that only despised You

Lord, I only despised You
'Til You called me by Your grace
Lord, I only despised You
'Til You washed me in Your blood
By Your love…

I'm gonna love like You love
Serve like You served
You stooped to my feet
Though You are the King of Glory
I gonna love like You love
Die like You died
You gave everything
For a world that only despised You

Lord, I wanna love… like You loved me
Lord, I'm gonna love… like You loved me
I wanna love.

"Real or Not Real?"

So… I know people have mixed feelings about the Hunger Games trilogy, but there's one aspect of the third book, Mockingjay, that struck me as particularly useful as an analogy of our (very real) battle in this world.

In Mockingjay, one character is psychologically tortured by the enemy in such a way as to make him unable to correctly remember / interpret the truth of events in his life. Hallucinations are a big part of this as well. With this, the enemy can manipulate his behavior and perception of the world. Eventually, his allies are able to reverse some of the effects, but he is still very uncertain as to what is real and what is not real, because his ability to perceive the truth has been so brutally compromised. So because he knows he's susceptible to the enemy's lies, he gets into this habit/game of asking his friends/allies questions about reality (either past or present) to which they answer "real" or "not real." This helps him get his bearings and act in accordance with what is true.

It strikes me that we, as Christ-followers caught in a war against a very cunning, very deceptive Enemy, might do well to play this Real or Not Real "game" when we find ourselves under attack. And generally, the attacks will be very subtle--discouragement, doubt, lies about ourselves, about others, about our situation, about God, about His world, distortions of His truth. We're told to "take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ." So when we catch ourselves feeling "down" or depressed or discouraged or in doubt… I submit this to you as a tactic:

Real or Not Real? Take those thoughts captive. First, identify the thoughts. What's causing the distress/discouragement/depression… what are you believing/thinking that is causing you to feel this way? And really think about just WHO'S voice is telling you these things. Is it God's? I doubt it. Not unless it's leading you to godly sorrow, repentance, and humility. Then play the "game" with God… take these thoughts before Him, before His Word. It might look something like this, if you're anything like me (and seeing as how you're all human, I think that's a safe assumption):
"I'm not worth loving. Real or not real?"
"Not real. I suffered and died for you, remember?"
"Oh, right. Howabout: I'm too stupid, too lazy, too weird to be of any good to You. Real or not real?"
"Not real. I have a magnificent purpose that only you can fulfill, and I have given you My Spirit to enable you to have victory and be used mightily in My kingdom."
"Oh, right. Well what about: You, Lord, put me in this fight alone, without reinforcements, without backup, without partners?"
"Not real. For one thing, I'm not just your Commander, I'm your closest, strongest partner. For another, I have an army and not just a bunch of lone rangers for a reason."
"Oh, that's a relief. But, then, what about--"

… you get the idea. X) We're told the truth will set us free. This doesn't just apply to salvation. If the Enemy can get us agreeing with the lies he feeds us, he gains leverage against us and, I believe, a certain degree of foothold in our hearts from which to work against us and foil our walk. The only way we can free ourselves from this and break that leverage against us is to break those agreements--to identify and reject his lies and replace them with the Truth.

Just remember, the Belt of Truth is the first article of spiritual armor we're told to don. Since we're talking Roman armor (on which Paul would be basing this), this belt could very well be referring to a special "belt" that--to be brief--made sure the rest of the armor stayed in place, no matter how much the soldier was jostled. If that Belt of Truth is compromised… chances are our armor will begin to shift and slip and we'll be much more vulnerable to other attacks.

Real or not real?

Take Back Earth

(Or, Fantasy and Reality--So Very Different? Part 1)

Well, last night, I was "dragged" into a crazy amount of roleplaying fun. It was totally awesome… in a nutshell, Earth was being invaded worldwide. One of my best friends was a seriously kick-(butt) Lieutenant, as were some of the new friends I made, and I was apparently the only medic in the whole crisis, oddly enough (funny, too, how it was mostly injured legs I was taking care of… go figure.) XD I'm sure most people on the outside thought we were all crazy, and maybe we were, but it was a blast anyways. ^_______^

But me being… well, me, it got me thinking. Something about last night struck a cord way deep down in my soul--a place that longs (strike that, pines) to be on the front lines of an epic clash between Good and Evil, longs for glory, that's never been satisfied with the mundane world around me. Fortunately for me (and others like me), I realize, I don't have to just write stories, be a gamer, or role-play and pretend I'm in a war of epic proportions and deadly consequences.

I was born into one.

Last night's motto was "Take Back Earth." As a Christ-follower, that should be my motto too (Great Commission, anyone?) I should whisper it to myself during the times when the fight seems impossible. I should strengthen my war-weary comrades with it. Heck, we should grab each other's forearms during the tough times and shout "NEVER GIVE UP! Send those [censored] bugs back to hell where they belong!! We can do this!" like we did last night. ^__^

...So…why...don't we?? The wars aren't that different besides the fact that one is far more real but also harder to see.

Maybe because we're too ready to see a host of Reapers invading Earth, and too unwilling to see our deeply entrenched Enemy and the scores of tactics he uses against us every day in our "normal" lives.

Maybe we're too ready to see complete strangers as vital allies in our struggle against an imaginary evil, and too ready to see our brothers and sisters in Christ as hypocrites, holier-than-thous, weirdos, people who annoy us, hurt us, would never understand us, you name it.

Maybe we're too ready to keep pushing against those alien invaders--even when our shuttles crash, our legs are blown off, our comrades are gunned down, and we're bone-weary and outnumbered--but far, far too willing to give up ground and give up hope when the Enemy (Devil) hammers us directly with accusation, condemnation, lies, temptations, hopelessness, (etc), or when our fleshly desires seem just too strong to overcome, or when the World entices us and sings its lulling siren song of complacency.

And maybe it's because we don't see ourselves as being in a war. Maybe if more of us began to really see the truth about the spiritual reality / war, we'd be banding together as vital allies instead of dividing over stupid things. Maybe we'd be bringing our injuries to those who can help us find healing and get back in the fight, instead of hiding our wounds and scars as much as possible and letting them fester. Maybe we'd be calling out our positions--our struggles, our enemy's positions, our victories, our defeats, our needs for reinforcement--over the comm, instead of pretending everything's fine and we don't need anybody. Maybe we'd be out on the front lines instead of trying to convince ourselves there is no war.

And maybe we'd be having more victory against the World, the Flesh and the Devil. I, for one, am not willing to live like a "civilian" when we're in the middle of the most epic war ever fought. I can see enough of it to know that closing my eyes to what I can see is a very bad idea. But I know I'm not meant to fight it alone... nor am I even meant to go in "just me and God." I'm in an army, a Body, for a reason. So, who's got my back? I'll cover you if you'll cover me. Any recon units? Any infantry divisions? Anyone who knows that what we see with our physical eyes is only part of reality?

Em, over and out.

Take Back Earth.


"For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh, for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses. We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of Jehovah, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ." II Corinthians 10:3-5

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places." Ephesians 6:10-12

"And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God,  praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints." Ephesians 6:17-18

“So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” II Corinthians 4:18

It's not like I'm walking alone
Into the valley of the shadow of death
Stand beside one another
'Cause this ain't over yet
I'd be willing to bet that  if we don't back down
You and I'll be the ones
That are holding the crowns in the end

When it's over we can say "well done"
But not yet, 'cause it's only begun
So pick up and follow me
We're the only ones
To fight this thing until we've won
We drive on and don't look back
Doesn't mean we can't learn from our pasts
All the things that we mighta done wrong
We coulda been doing this all along

Everybody with your fists raised high
Lemme hear your battle cry tonight!
Stand beside or step aside,
We're on the frontlines.

And we'll be carryin' on until the day it doesn't matter any more
Step aside--you forgot what this is for
We fight to live, we live to fight,
And tonight you'll hear my battle cry

We live our lives on the front lines
We're not afraid of the fast times
These days have opened up my eyes
And now I see where the threat lies

Everybody with your fists raised high
Lemme hear your battle cry tonight!
Stand beside or step aside,
We're on the frontline.

~"Frontline" by Pillar

The Story of the Lonely Girl and the Loving God

Today, I wanted to share a little story/testimony I sorta "stumbled upon" illustrating the love and faithfulness of God. Good reminder, too, of the sovereignty of God to use even tough or tragic things in life for our ultimate good.
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There once was a little girl we'll call "Amelia." Now, Amelia was raised in a loving, godly home, had a cheery disposition, a vivid imagination, and an interest in almost everything. But, sadly, Amelia had been born a little..."different." Among other things, this led to her feeling very, very isolated in her heart. For as long as she could remember, deep down Amelia had felt a sucking loneliness and sense that, no matter where she went, she just didn't "belong." But none of it really made sense to her, so she went on with her life, melancholy all the time, absolutely miserable sometimes, and distancing herself from reality as much as possible. By the time she was 12, she'd decided that she would never find a soulmate, someone who fit the weirdly shaped puzzle piece of her heart. By the time she was 13, she'd figured out that she could at least snag a few friends that were sorta-close if she made herself something she…wasn't exactly. But even then, her best friends were the friends in her head and she wished more than anything she could live with them. By the time she was 14, the games she'd tried playing a couple years had fallen apart and only made her more miserable.

So that lonely little girl, who could never find her place in life, got angry at God--angry that He'd never been there for her, angry at everyone for telling her that a relationship with God could be deep like love when obviously that wasn't happening, even though she'd "said the prayer" when she was little and read her Bible and knew so much about Him. She told Him He'd have to come find her if He was there and wanted her, 'cause she sure's heck wasn't going to hurt herself looking for Him any more.

Fortunately for Amelia, God took her up on the challenge. Soon after that, He gave her something she'd always thought was impossible: a soulmate. And for the first time in her life, she wasn't lonely deep down any more. Without the loneliness always bogging her down, she began to change slowly. She dropped many of the games she'd played, because, for the first time, she felt comfortable just being herself. She even began to peek out at reality and think that, maybe, it wasn't such a horrible place after all. After a couple months had passed, she even began to reconsider her idea of God and her heart began to soften towards Him. Since her soulmate seemed to know Him and love Him--and wasn't just one of "those people" who were hyped about God but never understood her--she thought that, maybe, it was possible to really know and love Him after all. That maybe God would accept her as-is and be her friend, too. For the first time in her life she was really, truly happy and hopeful about life.

But then, just as things were the best they'd ever been for Amelia… God took away that soulmate. It shattered her--the one person who'd ever made her life a really bright, happy place, ripped away from her. It seemed to her that, just as she'd feared, she was destined to be lonely forever. But, thankfully, God had drawn her to Himself enough so that, instead of falling into a loneliness worse than she'd ever felt before, she finally saw Him… saw how wrong she'd been all those years, and saw that He was her ultimate soulmate. And thus, she began a relationship with Him that quickly became more precious to her than anything else on Earth and, eventually, made her world a bright place again. The lonely little girl had finally found the Lover of her soul.

Now, typically this is where the "and they lived happily ever after" would go. Unfortunately, coming to God didn't instantly put her shattered heart back together.  The next two years of her life were the hardest she'd ever endured, in which her newfound relationship with Christ was severely tested and refined. But, thankfully, the story ends, not with a "happily ever after," but with the blessed assurance that, even though her road may be marked out as a lonely one, she will always have at least one companion close by her side, for the Lover of her soul walks with her now, and always.
---
"Our hearts are restless until they find rest in Thee." ~Saint Augustine

Standing on this mountaintop
Looking just how far we've come
Knowing that for every step
You were with us

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say…

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, you are faithful
Every step we are breathing in Your grace
Evermore we'll be breathing out Your praise
You are faithful, God, You are faithful.

~"Never Once," Matt Redman

Peace... as a weapon?

Well, this week there's been a lot on my mind--a lot to make me anxious when I let it. And in addition to that, we had an outreach Bible study at our house last night that the enemy was very obviously trying to stop. Today, I've seen evidence of spiritual attack on two different fronts--one personal against me, one against the family in general. So as soon as I could, I got outside to pray and just fellowship with God. And as I was bringing all this before Him, He told me something very interesting that I wanna share with anyone who reads this:

"Peace is your strength. It is your weapon against the Enemy."

Me being me, my reply was something like "howzzat?" I mean, really, nobody thinks of peace as a weapon! But then I started really thinking about it (and praying for explanation ;) ). For one, peace brings us hope, which gives us strength. That part made sense. True peace is the result of a strong faith in and reliance on God--taking Him at His word and living out that trust. In Ephesians 6, we're told that faith is our shield against the fiery darts of the enemy.

Seems to me that peace is both the fruit of that faith and protection in and of itself. Bear with me as I try to explain (it's often hard for me to put into words the things that God just sorta teaches my heart). X) First, the Enemy's prime weapons:

1) Deception. This is his number one tool because it works so stinkin' well. Christians fall prey to it all the time. It is extremely versatile and extremely effective. Every other of his weapons must necessarily stem from deception. Jesus says He is the Way, the TRUTH, and the Life. If Satan can steer us away from the truth, he has some wiggle room in our lives.

2) Fear. This weapon can be everything from the various manifestations of evil that we often think of when we think "The Enemy," to fearing what others think of us, or anxious thoughts. Fear necessarily means focusing on the object of fear--and if that object is not God, it normally means that, albeit subconsciously, one is viewing that object as bigger than God. Fear erodes our faith. For this reason, God says we are to fear Him and Him alone.

3) Pride. This was what caused Satan's fall from heaven in the first place, I might note. If the enemy can get us focused on ourselves in pride, we won't be focusing on God and therefore will be pretty easy targets. I should note, too, that pride does not only mean "arrogance." Self-pity and self-deprecation/false humility are forms of pride as well.

Obviously, the enemy has many tactics, but they pretty much all stem from one or the other of those three. Now…think about peace (true peace--from God) in relation to each of those weapons. I think these two verses about peace (or "being still") easily show its power against those weapons:

"“Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress." Psalm 46:10-11 ("know that I am God"… there goes Deception, Fear, and Pride all in one!)

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Phillipians 4:6-7

This works offensively-speaking as well: when our souls are at peace before God, simply resting in the knowledge of who He is… we are strong. Our warfare will be stronger, bolder, and more effective because our hearts cannot be fearful or striving when we are at peace. They will not be vulnerable to the enemy, because they are basking in the knowledge of who He is and the strength of trusting Him. They will be strong in the joy of the Lord, ready to stand firm and storm the gates of Hell if need be.

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27

My Two Cents Worth: Love n' Marriage

Okay, so it's the day after Valentine's Day (insert dreamy batting of the eyes here… heehee). And so I'm falling to the temptation to put in my two cents worth about love and such things. Bear with me… or stop reading. Either way. ;)

I noted an interesting fact yesterday when we were handing out family valentines. If you fold a heart in half and turn it upside down, it's a teardrop. That's very appropriate, as I see it. Not to sound cynical, but if you really, deeply love another human being, at some point or another, you will be really, deeply hurt. 'Cause no matter what the songs say, true love doesn't guarantee an emotional rose garden.

But as I see it, what matters isn't having no problems… what matters is what you do with the problems. Do you work through them together and let it make the love stronger, or do you let things fester and erode the love? I've observed too many instances where this happens (in any sort of human relationship)--hurt, miscommunications, and other problems aren't dealt with. There is too little forgiveness, and far too little good, humble communication about hurts, feelings, issues. Short of a lot of work and divine intervention, these couples--once "in looooove"--often end up hating each other if the lack of communication goes on long enough.

It's really sad. But on the other side, there are couples who understand that marriage isn't a "s/he makes me feel wonderful therefore I must be with him/her forever and happily ever after!"  They know that marriage is about being a team, being one, even when emotions aren't warm and fuzzy. They know that marriage will be heaven sometimes, and there will be times it feels like hell… and it's how the couple handles the hell times that will define how they make it. Will they be proud or humble? Unforgiving or forgiving? Selfish or selfless? Clam up, refuse to speak, or discuss problems? From what I understand as a marriage counselor's kid: if both parties are committed to loving each other selflessly, serving each other, and tackling/overcoming their problems and their desires, the marriage WILL be a happy one.

My point is this: love isn't about pink hearts, roses, chocolate, romantic words and gestures. It's about a mutual commitment: with you, for better or worse, heaven or hell, 'til the day I die. It's about mutual selflessness: I regard you as more important than myself. It's about mutual hard work: I'm gonna see that this thing stays strong and beautiful to the end, no matter what. It's about humility before God and each other. That's the love that works. That's the love that's true and that will make a marriage beautiful and powerful. And it takes a helluva lot of work.

And this is a bit of an aside but, from all I've learned from my parents and others, I still have this unanswered question about love: in the real world, is there (or can there be) such a thing as a "one true love"? (Before you're married/engaged) And I do mean "one"… as in "this is the man/woman for me and there's no one else"… even if you never get to marry that person or one or the other of you dies? A love that says "I'd rather die than live without her/him." (why yes, I am a hopeless romantic writer, how'd you guess? XD) Or is that thing reserved for stories and anyone who says they have a "one true love" they're willing to wait forever for is just kinda stupid and obsessive and needs to build a bridge and get over it? "There are other fish in the sea; you'll find someone else" and all that. Are they being "sinful" to wait? Foolish to hope? Taking things out of God's hands?

None of those rhetorical questions, btw. I don't think I know the answer yet. Just a little tricky tidbit to keep any other hopeless romantics up at night (I can see you now… "oh dangit, now she's got me wondering too!") XD Maybe I just think too much in terms of stories, or maybe love isn't always as cut and dried as some people would like to make it. And then again, if a recurring theme runs through all great stories, legends, and myths throughout the ages, I tend to think there's gotta be truth there, somewhere. Ah well. I wonder if many people have pondered this in this "convenience romance" day and age where loyalty means very little and people seem unwilling to put up with rejection/hurt/waiting for very long with no reward. But hopefully I'll learn the answer someday, one way or another, whatever the answer is. 'Til then I guess I'll just enjoy songs like "Somewhere, Somehow." (yes, one of my very favs--I told you I'm a hopeless romantic, didn't I?) X) ;P

And there. Valentine's Day 2012, you have been done justice by this rambling blogger. The end. ^____^

Forgotten

"Disclaimer": This topic is one particularly near and dear to my heart, as God has given me an intense love for the brokenest people and, I believe, is calling me to minister long-term to them. I'm currently working in a pro-life crisis pregnancy center, and will, Lord-willing, this summer (and possibly for a whole year) go to be trained and work at a rehab facility in New Hampshire that helps heal people with drug abuse, sexual addictions and trauma, depression disorders, psychological disorders and eating disorders. So pardon me if I get a little heated, 'cause I'm passionate about this subject. X) Comments welcome, tho'.---

They're "those people." The kind of people you hear about and give a little shudder. People with inner demons, people with a dark, ugly past and a future that looks to be about the same, "untouchables:" Drug or sex addicts. Prostitutes. Porn stars. The psychologically ill*. Depressed people. Suicidal people. The self-harmers. The "freaks."

I call them "the forgotten." They're the ones Christians, on the whole, seem to've forgotten about. They're the "sinners." They're the ones you can't seem to witness successfully to. Unrepentant, we say--entrenched in their life of sin. They are the ones with deep darkness in their hearts of one kind or another, unwilling to leave their darkness, it would seem. So, on the whole, we write them off. Even if we don't entirely mean to… it seems we almost unconsciously block them out of our mind as dirty, disgusting people we should take warning from and be glad we're not.

When it comes to the homosexuality debate, we're quick to say "we're to love the sinner and hate the sin!" … but it seems to me that we're not so quick to look past the sins of other people trapped in what we call a "gross" sin. If we did, if we really tried to see the hearts living in the deepest darkness, the strongest bondage like Jesus sees them… what we'd find would break our hearts.

These people believe themselves to be unloveable and worthless. Their hearts and lives are shattered by years of pain and sin--both their own and the sins of others against them. They have no hope. They are trapped in iron chains of deception, guilt, and sin, wrapped around the enemy's finger. If there is a God, they think, He certainly couldn't love me. Their hearts are bitter and hard against God and humanity. They think they're beyond hope of salvation, of anything better than what they have.

They're not. And my heart's desire is to show them that. God's love for them is so immense. He died to make them valuable, and they don't know it! But you can't just walk into a brothel and preach the Gospel with much success, so to speak. Those who try will most likely be disappointed in their efforts and write it off on "the sinners." There are so many layers of deception, of sin, of depression, pain, and, often enough, demonic oppression, that it will take a lot of work to truly see these people set free from the bondage of the enemy.

And what these hearts need first and foremost is LOVE. Not all the right Bible verses, not optimistic truisms, not even "if you'd only trust Jesus…" Truth goes with love, absolutely, I'm not saying it's not important, here. But what these people tend to get is "You're a sinner. Your sin is disgusting to God. Leave your life of sin. [insert Gospel presentation.] God will set you free and heal all your hurts and you'll live happily ever after. [exit Christian]"  … it doesn't quite work that way. If we remember how Jesus handled it, that's not what we'll see. In Jesus, it looked more like this:
1) He SHOWED the sinner he loved them, that he cared for them, that they weren't worthless or unloveable. That they weren't scarred beyond any chance at beauty. That they weren't broken beyond any chance at being whole. His love gave them hope, and hope is something these people desperately need.
2) THEN Jesus went on to say "Go, and sin no more."

And, most importantly, it takes STICKING WITH IT. Love does not fail, but it takes strong, tenacious love. Love that says "you're worthwhile to God, and so you're worthwhile to me. And I'm going to keep on loving you no matter what you do, even if you hurt me or experience failure again and again. I'm not letting go, because God's not letting go." It'll take getting your hands dirty in the Lord's work. It'll take getting your heart broken. It'll take a great amount of emotional strain and frustration to love someone who's broken. But the love of Christ is the only thing that will set these people free from their sin and bondage and pain. And we're the only way they're going to SEE the love of Christ! If we don't live that love to them… they'll never see it, short of divine intervention.

… now, I've talked primarily about unbelievers in this one. But, really, a lot of the same applies to people in the church. Even Christians can live in continual defeat from the Enemy if they're not secure in their identity in Christ… especially if they were deeply wounded or were in a lot of sin before they came to Christ. These Christians, especially ones who struggle with depressions or other psychological problems*, are often misunderstood and judged by well-meaning people who don't understand the power of past hurt or the role of the enemy in oppressing even the believer. Hurting brothers and sisters don't need Bible verses shoved in their face. They don't need to be told "if you only really trusted Jesus this wouldn't be happening." They need someone to see past the surface and see the hurting heart. Someone to display Christ's love. Someone who says "hey, it's going to be okay--I'll stay here with you 'til the nightmare is over. It's gonna be a little tricky, and you'll hafta work with me, but in our God there is healing and restoration and glory, so I'm not leaving 'til you're living in the peace and freedom he has for you." Warning: it's not easy to do that. Most hurting people are very hesitant to let people in… in fact, will often try their darndest to keep people out and put on a very tough front. But that's no excuse not to love them.

Neil T. Anderson is my absolute favorite author on the subject of believers struggling with past bondage and seemingly having no victory… I highly recommend that everyone read his books "Victory Over the Darkness" and "Bondage Breaker." Lots of compassion, lots of truth. Helped me tremendously in dealing with my own struggles and hurts.

So yeah, sorry that was kind of a rant, but I think it's an important truth the church as a whole needs to realize:
BROKEN, "DIRTY" PEOPLE ARE NOT BEYOND THE REACH OF THE GOSPEL. … they merely require more work, more time, more sacrificial love, more tenacity than other "groups" of people. But I firmly believe that if the Christ-follower will pour him/herself out to the broken in love and service and prayer… God will come through and do amazing things to reach His lost lambs.

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*though I contend that a spiritual cause/factor is inherent and central in every case of "psychological illness", therefore every case is, theoretically, curable. Comment if you wanna hear my thoughts on that… or better yet, read Dr. Neil Anderson's book "Discipleship Counseling."  X)

The Power of "How Are You?"

"How are you?"
… three one-syllable words. Not showy, not particularly profound. But, believe it or not, even these three little words can make a huge impact on a life. We live in a world of fallen humans who are inherently selfish. Ironic, isn't it, that God takes these incredibly selfish, proud little creatures called humans, makes them new creations in His power and love, and then says "okay, now I want you to go out there and love others. By this--genuine love for others--the world will know whether or not you're Mine."

…true Love, if you haven't noticed, hinges on selflessness. It is selflessness. Love also hinges on action. Love is no love at all if not coupled with loving action.
God is asking us to look, to step beyond ourselves and see His creations as He sees them and try to love them like He loves them. Seems like a pretty tall order, right? But lucky for us, it doesn't necessarily require sacrificing huge amounts of our time and energy to show Christ's love to others. You can do right here, today, it in three simple words:

"How are you?"*

These three words, asked genuinely and coupled with listening and caring** about what the answer is, can touch a person profoundly. Most people, I've found, talk about themselves 99% of the time. So when a human steps beyond their favorite subject--themselves--to ask, invite and really listen to what you care about and how you've been coping with this thing called Life, it's truly touching. It shows that you were thinking about them. That you care** about them. But most importantly, it shows them that there's something different about you… that there's Someone in your life who says "this person is important to Me, they should be important to you too."

So I challenge you today, anybody who reads this, just take five minutes to ask someone in your life--could be anyone, anywhere--"how are you?" and give them the time of day. Asking more, appropriate questions based on their answer or about things you know they're involved in gets you bonus points. Using their answer to ultimately talk about yourself equals FAIL.

You're Christ's hands and feet to those around you. Show them how much He cares.

"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." John 13:34-35

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*Acceptable variations: How are you doing lately? Coupling this with a question about something you know they're involved in = serious brownie points. ;)

**sometimes you won't care. At least not right away and very deeply. But sometimes we have to do something because it's right before we "feel" it. We're to imitate Christ so trying is the first step. Do it.

If Christ is Lord...

… what does it look like? We're told we'll know Christ-followers by their fruit. When you think about it, that's a little scary. You mean we can't tell if someone is truly a Christian (Christ-follower) by how much Scripture they've memorized? How sound their doctrine is? How much they understand about God and His Word? Whether or not they hold positions of church leadership? Well, that stinks.

Take me for example. I was raised in a very strong, conservative, doctrinally sound family that took seriously raising their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Even as a preteen, I knew more about theology and apologetics than most adults. I've always been a strong proponent of what I understand to be the truth. I had grand, godly standards/principles and worldview. Everybody thought I was this wonderful, godly, definitely-Christian young woman.

But I wasn't. I was an incredibly proud, bitter, self-absorbed person who hid away from reality as much as possible. I didn't have a personal relationship with Christ. But I didn't know that. After all, I'd prayed "the prayer"… I believed God created the world and His Son, Jesus, died for my sins… I read the Bible regularly…I knew way more about God than most people… I had better theology and lived more morally than some pastors… I was a Christian, right? Looking back, no, I don't think I was. I know for sure that I did not know God until then. I wasn't right with Him. I certainly wasn't walking humbly with Him on the throne of my life. (see Micah 6:8)

My point being… there's a heck of a lot of difference between knowing (about) God in your mind… and making Him Lord of your heart. And only one of those is going to make the saving difference in your life.

The Bible's standard for determining whether or not someone has Christ as Lord of their life has absolutely nothing to do with how much Truth s/he knows or believes. It's about whether or not that Truth changes the way s/he lives. The Bible's standard looks something like this:

I. If we do not actively love (see 1 Cor 13 for the definition) others, we are not of God.
II. If we are walking in pride, we cannot be walking with God.
III. The fruits of the Spirit are: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

Every single one of us, no matter how much Truth we believe, should really take time to prayerfully and humbly consider that criteria.

Obviously, even once we are saved, there is a large work of sanctification to be done, so I'm not saying you'll see all of these right away in a new convert, nor that a person will never struggle with any of these once they are saved. But if one claims to've been saved for a good long time, and yet has never shown any of this fruit (<raises hand> that was me most of my life)… there could be a very eternal problem.

Thankfully, all it takes is truly humbling oneself before God, and surrendering the reigns to Him to make the biggest, most beautiful difference we can encounter this side of Heaven.

Struggles with Depression

    Depression. Common problem in this day and age for a number of different reasons, physical, spiritual, and emotional. Also something I've been struggling with to varying degrees, sometimes (and lately) very hard, for a number of months (in part due to a seizure treatment I'm on). Sometimes it seems impossible to deal with… when I don't even want to get up in the morning, when nothing in life seems to have any meaning, or even pleasure, when I get the physical feeling that I'm falling into a pit I can't climb out of, when I have no energy to even try… when all I really want to do is go Home. (Stick with me… I'm going somewhere with this, I promise, it's not a pity-party. ;P )
     I wish I could write this post saying I've figured out how to get out of it every time… that I know the five steps for getting out of depression. But no, I'm still trying to figure out my way back to sunshiny lands. To be honest, sometimes, it doesn't feel like I'll ever find them. But fortunately, life isn't based on how I feel.
     2 Timothy 1:12: "…I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him for that day."
     Does the sun go away simply because the day is cloudy? Is it less powerful or brilliant? No… I just can't see it as clearly because of my position beneath some clouds. In the same way, praise God, He remains the same regardless of what might be clouding my view. Beyond my narrow vision, which is currently full of dark clouds, there exists a world of glorious light and peace and freedom. A world without fear or despair. Good news for me (and for you, if you're in Christ), that's the world I'm a citizen of.
    So I'm learning to press on in faith despite how I feel, despite the bouts of hopelessness. James helps me out on that one:
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4
    Depression is a trial, no doubt, but that makes it an opportunity. An opportunity to humble myself and lean more fully on the everlasting arms, an opportunity to be weak in myself and strong in Christ, to be sanctified and strengthened through the testing of my faith.
    … if only I saw it that way every day. X) But, praise be to God, I'm not the end-all. I can't pull myself out of it, I can't make myself a useable vessel or good soldier, I can't wipe away my sins. Is that horrible? No, not really. I can choose to lay down my pride, to bend the knee and surrender myself to Christ. I can choose to walk in faithfulness, trusting that God will work His will through me even when I can't see the way.
    In human wisdom, that's stupid. But the wisdom of man is foolishness to God. Wisdom of man says giving up is the worst thing I could do. Wisdom of God says I have to let go of the idea that I can (or must) do anything on my own before He can do His perfect work in me. And He says it's never too late, I've never sunk too deep or gone too far off course to be used mightily in His kingdom. Phew! X) I'll add, too, that, in pride it is impossible to please God, in humility and faith, nothing is impossible (even overcoming depression)! How cool is that? ^__^

Praise God, I will always have an anchor. As long as Jesus stands at the right hand of God interceding for me, I will never fall beyond the reach of help. His grace and power to redeem is deeper than the deepest pit any of us could ever find ourselves in. And as I continue this trek through this tough "slump" in my life, I can cling to that truth… because I know the One whom I've believed and know He is able to guard what I've entrusted to Him (aka, my life + soul).