Depression. Common problem in this day and age for a number of different reasons, physical, spiritual, and emotional. Also something I've been struggling with to varying degrees, sometimes (and lately) very hard, for a number of months (in part due to a seizure treatment I'm on). Sometimes it seems impossible to deal with… when I don't even want to get up in the morning, when nothing in life seems to have any meaning, or even pleasure, when I get the physical feeling that I'm falling into a pit I can't climb out of, when I have no energy to even try… when all I really want to do is go Home. (Stick with me… I'm going somewhere with this, I promise, it's not a pity-party. ;P )
I wish I could write this post saying I've figured out how to get out of it every time… that I know the five steps for getting out of depression. But no, I'm still trying to figure out my way back to sunshiny lands. To be honest, sometimes, it doesn't feel like I'll ever find them. But fortunately, life isn't based on how I feel.
2 Timothy 1:12: "…I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him for that day."
Does the sun go away simply because the day is cloudy? Is it less powerful or brilliant? No… I just can't see it as clearly because of my position beneath some clouds. In the same way, praise God, He remains the same regardless of what might be clouding my view. Beyond my narrow vision, which is currently full of dark clouds, there exists a world of glorious light and peace and freedom. A world without fear or despair. Good news for me (and for you, if you're in Christ), that's the world I'm a citizen of.
So I'm learning to press on in faith despite how I feel, despite the bouts of hopelessness. James helps me out on that one:
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4
Depression is a trial, no doubt, but that makes it an opportunity. An opportunity to humble myself and lean more fully on the everlasting arms, an opportunity to be weak in myself and strong in Christ, to be sanctified and strengthened through the testing of my faith.
… if only I saw it that way every day. X) But, praise be to God, I'm not the end-all. I can't pull myself out of it, I can't make myself a useable vessel or good soldier, I can't wipe away my sins. Is that horrible? No, not really. I can choose to lay down my pride, to bend the knee and surrender myself to Christ. I can choose to walk in faithfulness, trusting that God will work His will through me even when I can't see the way.
In human wisdom, that's stupid. But the wisdom of man is foolishness to God. Wisdom of man says giving up is the worst thing I could do. Wisdom of God says I have to let go of the idea that I can (or must) do anything on my own before He can do His perfect work in me. And He says it's never too late, I've never sunk too deep or gone too far off course to be used mightily in His kingdom. Phew! X) I'll add, too, that, in pride it is impossible to please God, in humility and faith, nothing is impossible (even overcoming depression)! How cool is that? ^__^
Praise God, I will always have an anchor. As long as Jesus stands at the right hand of God interceding for me, I will never fall beyond the reach of help. His grace and power to redeem is deeper than the deepest pit any of us could ever find ourselves in. And as I continue this trek through this tough "slump" in my life, I can cling to that truth… because I know the One whom I've believed and know He is able to guard what I've entrusted to Him (aka, my life + soul).
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